Tag Archives: Valentines day

5 things to celebrate as a single on Valentine’s day…

For many Valentine’s day is a day of love and celebration.  But for some it can bring a sense of loneliness as the clouds of sadness rush in as they prepare to celebrate Singles Awareness Day.  Seeing others get flowers at work, exchanging gifts, dining together or even the multiple proposals that often ensue on social media feeds can leave a single feeling more like a Scrooge than a Cupid.  I know because I’ve been there, where my response to a chipper ‘Happy Valentine’s Day!’ was a grumpy ‘bahumbug’.  But not this year!  What’s changed?  I realized that I have a bunch of reasons to celebrate life and love as a single and so do you!

  1. You have someone to love:  and that someone is you!  Before you can properly love anyone else, you have to fall head over heels in love with the person that looks back at you in the mirror every day.  Self love is the basis of all love, so don’t wallow on the fact that you may not have someone to celebrate the day with and celebrate the fact that you have so much to celebrate.  Get focused on showing yourself some love, buy some flowers (or in my case a plant), get a massage, order your favorite take out, you deserve to be loved and don’t have to wait for someone outside of your self to do it!
  2. You aren’t entertaining randoms:  This is a biggie because you can rest assured that you aren’t lowering your dating standards.  Celebrate the fact that you are saving yourself the headache, pain, drama, and most likely heartbreak of dating someone not worthy of your time and efforts.
  3. You aren’t blocking love:  By not dealing with randoms or people that have no intentions of being in your life long term, you are allowing the door to remain open for the right person to walk right on in, no strings attach.  You can use your single days to better yourself for yourself as well as prepare for the relationship you desire.
  4. You can focus on other relationships: I know, I know, who really wants to spend valentines day with a bunch of friends?  Especially since the day is for lovers.  But shifting your focus can ultimately be life changing and dong so on this day is no different.  If you find yourself wallowing in the fact that the joy of having a significant other has eluded you this valentines day call on your single friends!  Get out of the house and do something together, laugh a lot and enjoy the fact that you know some pretty awesome people!
  5. You can be a giver:  Let’s face it, we’ve all looked at a couple that seemed to be so in love on this day and wished a plague on their valentines.  Buuuut, being a hater isn’t going to bring you a mate and one of the best things you can do is to understand that every one has ups and downs in life and your time will soon come.   If you know people that may need some assistance planning their special day or may need your baby sitting services offer to help.   Helping others often makes us feel better and don’t hate, celebrate the fact that they have someone. Besides, you will too one day (probably sooner than you think) and that’s something to celebrate as well!

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How I know He loves me

Happy Valentines day!!!  I love holidays and V-Day is no different.  Although sometimes touted as a ploy to get people to spend ridiculous amounts of money, I’m just as happy making gifts and spending it watching movies with that special someone.  This V-day I don’t have a significant other, but I will be spending it with someone extra-special to me!  All this talk about love and relationships, got me thinking about the most important relationship in my life, my connection with God and how He shows his love for me. These are some ways that I know my heavenly father loves me (and you).

He provides: In the bible God tells us that He will supply our every need and that I need not worry about what I should eat or wear.  Granted I am a shoeaholic so I do find myself obsessing about these things, but I don’t have to and I know that I shouldn’t!  There have been days where I’m extremely low on funds (I’m talking $1 in my account low) and I’ll get a free lunch or someone will give me money they owe me, once I even received an unexpected check in the mail.  Although I’m not weatlhy by any stretch of the world, I’m rich because I’m blessed to have a heavenly father that provides the necessities of life and then some. (Matthew 6:26, Philippians 4:19)

He protects:  There are many examples in the bible of God protecting the Israelites and from what I know He will do the same thing for us today as His children.  God tells us that He will fight for us and He will even send angels to protect us if need be.  I can remember once when I was stuck on the side of the road, as cars whizzed by I was extremely apprehensive about getting out  but not even two minutes after pulling over a tow truck came to help me. I hadn’t called anyone and didn’t have to worry about a thing, God had me and sent one of His angels to protect me.  (Exodus 14:14, Romans 12:19, Psalm 91:1-16, Psalm 34:7)

He chastises: This one is a hard pill to swallow because who in their right mind likes to be chastised?!  But usually when I do something wrong, tell a lie (I’m not a great liar anyway) or am into something I shouldn’t be, I’m usually paying the consequences fairly quickly!  The bible tells us that God loves those that He chastises because those are His children.  When you were a child and did wrong your parent or guardian would have probably scolded or at least let you know where you went wrong out of concern and love.  Our parents were put here to love us by God so it’s easy to see  how much more does God love us. (Hebrews 12:16, Proverbs 3:12)

He says so: I can remember a time when I didn’t read the bible for myself and believed whatever the priest (I was raised Catholic) or someone else told me about God so I didn’t know my father.  But since reading for myself, Gods love for little old me has becomes more real to me every day (if that makes sense).  It has become an easier concept to take hold of because there was a time when I didn’t even know that I could have an intimate relationship with God as a father or lover of my soul.  To me He had been this great unapproachable being that ruled with an iron fist and I was just trying to get through this life to heaven by being a perfect person that did not wrong, or at least tried to most of the time.  When I did do wrong I would beat myself up worse than either of my parents could punish me.  I didn’t realize that I didn’t have to be perfect for Him to love me because He knew I wasn’t, after all He created made me that way!  Through reading His word I’ve learned so much about the type of relationship God wants with me and what He has done to have that connection with me.  It is still astonishing and sometimes hard for my brain to wrap around the fact that such a great God would deem me special enough to call me daughter.  That to me is a miracle in itself and I thank Him. (Romans 8:35-39, 1John 4:16, Luke 12:7)

He rewards: of course we get the ultimate reward when we get to heaven, but until then the earthly rewards are more than enough.  If we continue to reap we will be rewarded.  There are also times when God wants us to be still and know.  If we listen and submit to God’s will we will see the fruits of listening to our heavenly father. I can remember going through a period of waiting for a job, it was 8 months before I got one.  I went through depression, anger and eventually acceptance.  Although I never stopped submitting job applications, I held on to the fact that what I was going through at the time was God’s will.  I studied my bible, watched shows related to getting to know God and practically nothing else (that may be excessive but it was what I needed at the time).  When I got a job I was so ecstatic because it was just the type of job I had asked for, God always comes through!  (Hebrews 6:10, Galatians 6:9)

He forgives:  God sent His son to die for us, Jesus was the ultimate sacrifice and washed away our sins.  God is quick to forgive us and because He is love and love keeps no records of wrongs, our slates are clean once we repent (confess and turn away from that particular sin completely). Many times we have a hard time forgiving (at least I know I have), but we must as followers of God so that He can forgive us as we do others.  (John 3:16, Romans 5:8)

He never give’s up on us:  I have been a wishy washy Christian for a lot of my years here on earth (I wrote about that here).  But whenever I return to God, He is there.  He is not angry with me, He doesn’t push me away or make me feel bad but He embraces and loves on me.  I don’t know if you’ve ever been in a situation where someone let’s you know that ‘they told you so’ or turns their back on you because they feel like you walked away from them, it’s a horrible feeling especially if all you wanted was acceptance and love.  But human’s make horrible gods obviously, so thank God for our heavenly father who will never leave or forsake you! (Deuteronomy 31:6, James 4:8, Luke 15:1-7)

Also take note that all the ways God shows His love are ways that we can show others love as well.  Have a happy valentines day and love on:)

God bless,
Court

Single for the holidays: Combating the holiday blues!

As an unmarried 37 year old woman I realize that I may have to accept that fact that God could never send my Boaz.  It’s possible that marriage and motherhood are not for me and that I have other things to do with my life for His kingdom.  Which most days I’m fine with, however, being single through the holidays has never been easy for me and can sometimes be down right depressing.  Although, I do love seeing all the happy families, newly engaged couples and baby bumps it doesn’t make handling the fact that I am once again single during a time that is best spent with those you love.  Now, don’t get me wrong I do have family which I’m grateful for, but there would be nothing better than waking up to a loving husband and the pitter patter of little feet eagerly racing to open Christmas gifts at the crack of dawn (and I am far from a morning person).  But it isn’t my story nor is it the story of many of my friends, so it’s been on my heart to write a post about combating the holiday blues and these are some of my weapons of sad destruction to help you gear up for the season!

Prepare yourself for the onslaught of affection:  There are four months out of the year that can feel like a quadruple gut punch to a single person and Thanksgiving is usually the holiday that starts it all! There’s at least one holiday each month from November to February that is best spent with those you love. Tis the season of holiday festivities, cheerful thanksgiving, gift giving, decking the halls and of course over the top PDAs. There seems to be an exorbitant amount of kissing going on in these couple of months, under the mistletoe on Valentines day and even when the clock strikes midnight.  Unless you lock yourself in the house without television, there’s just no escape. Which, if you’ve got no one to kiss, could inadvertently result in an inordinate amount of eye rolling, sighing and gagging!  Make sure  you prepare yourself by refraining from social media if possible or just telling yourself you aren’t going to let it get you down.  Sometimes if you already know what’s coming at you or what to expect it’s easier to dodge those moments of sadness that can catch you unaware.  Try to be genuinely happy for those that are receiving love, congratulate them and pray that they receive even more.

Get your arsenal of answers ready:  If your family is anything like mine, the minute you step through the door of any holiday festivities alone is an open invitation to let the questions about your love life (or lack there of) begin rapid fire.  Although, we know these questions are coming from a good place after hearing it for so long it eventually begins to be kind of annoying. It used to make me feel like a failure and slightly incomplete as a woman, like there was something wrong with me and in my case it would be on my mind for at least half the night. Unfortunately I’ve found myself ill prepared to answer the questions, especially when they’re asked in front of everyone and all eyes are on me. It’s still awkward till this day but now I make sure I have my arsenal of answers ready to shoot back.  I’ll tell them that I’m happy single, Mr. right hasn’t come along yet, I’m not up for settling and my favorite is I’m dating Jesus now! Most importantly, remember to speak the truth in love. Unfortunately, many people equate being in a relationship with happiness and singleness as being unhappy, which is often times not the case. But more than likely your friends and family are just showing concern and want you to be happy just as much as you do!

Don your festive fatigues:  No matter how down you feel, don’t look it!  If you’re invited out to a party, get off that couch, stop wallowing and start living while definitely dressing the part of someone having the time of their life.  You never know who you’ll meet while out, it could be the love of your life or it could just be some really awesome person that you bond with for an hour, but you’ll never know unless you go!  Go without the expectation of meeting someone and just have fun!  Act goofy, dance like people are watching (because most likely they are), laugh until you cry but most importantly live.  People are usually more attracted to smiling happy people a lot more so than someone who seems like they’re trying out for the role of Oscar the grouch.

Mentally prepare for the challenge: Once you’ve altered your mindset, your battle is half done.  Up until this day I’m sometimes negative about my love life and if I’m not consciously impeccable with my words can speak ungodly things over my life in a moment of sadness.  I do believe that words truly have power and try my hardest to speak life over my situation, although I’m not always successful.  When you’re down in the dumps the last thing you’re thinking is that things will shift in your favor because all you can see right now is what’s in front of you.  But there is more life to come and although being single during the holidays can suck at times, especially if you really didn’t desire to be partnerless, it can be an awesome time in your life if you prepare yourself ahead of time!  Before you even step foot out the door be prepared to see other couples wherever you go, especially for valentine’s day and New Years.  If a relationship is something that you truly desire, it may be hard but keep in mind that your time will come and be happy for the couples you see.  Try not to compare your life to those of others, because that is one of the most unhealthy things you can do at this time and have a meditation scripture to focus on in moments of sadness to bring you back to a place of wholeness in Christ.  I put five below, today I will keep on my mind ‘He will not leave you or forsake you’ and repeat it as much as possible especially during times of sadness or frustration to remind myself that even thought I don’t have a physical husband, God is always by my side.

  • Matthew 21:22 – And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive
  • Proverbs 30:5 – Every word of God [is] pure: he [is] a shield unto them that put their trust in him.
  • Psalms 37:4 – Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
  • Psalms 126:5 – They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
  • Deuteronomy 31:6 (ESV)Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Apply your camouflage: Have you ever heard of faking it until you make it?  Well it may be beneficial in this instance, not necessarily being phony or lying but you can let people know how you feel but still resist the urge to dwell on negative feelings even if you want to.  When someone ask you how you are, be honest if you’re feeling down about being single but remind them (and yourself) of all the great things you have to be thankful for in life.  Every conversation shouldn’t be an opportunity to drop a sad bomb.  Take the time to think of some things you’re grateful for now, your health, your children (or in my case my dogs), family, a job there are so many things.  Reminding yourself of the fact that this too will pass and that you still have a full life without a mate can sometimes work wonders on keeping you in a positive place.  Recite and repeat as often as necessary.

Thank God for winning the small battles: Christmas and Valentines are a great time to spend money and blow a budget if you’ve got a significant other so thank God that you don’t!  You can choose to stash the money or splurge and give yourself a gift.  But whatever you do is totally up to you and no one else, which is one of the perks of singlehood.  Treat yourself to a movie, throw a party for your single friends, buy a new dress or a trip if your budget allows.  Besides doesn’t sitting on a sunny beach somewhere, toes in sand and drink in hand, sound much better than trudging through the cold and snow!?

Always remember what your Commander-in-Chief said:  If we look in our bible it tells us that it is good for single people to remain single because at this time in our lives we are able to devote so much more time to the Lord.  I am guilty of not using my time as wisely as I should but whenever I am intentional about spending time with God I always, always feel better about my situation.

1Corinthians 7:8 (ESV) – to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single as I am.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35 ESV : I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

God bless and Have a wonderful holiday (single) season!  You’re in my prayers and here’s to a purposeFULL life!

Court 😉

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