Doors will open…

The store was small and quaint, but it still caught my eye as I walked down the street. There was no one in sight as I peered through the large glass window and was instantly intrigued, it was a book store.  It looked like it was full of old books and as a writer and avid reader (and shopper) stumbling upon a new bookstore was like finding a tiny piece of heaven on earth.  I hopped up the four crumbly cement stairs towards the chipping wooden red door and pulled the handle fully expecting it to open immediately.   But it resisted, so I pulled a second and third time with the same results.  I let go and walked back down the stairs to ensure the sign truly read ‘open’ which it did.  Determined, I bounded back up the stairs two at a time and tugged at the door, I jiggled and turned the handle but it just would not budge.  Maybe it’s closed, I thought to myself and just before I decided to retreat and make my back onto the sidewalk, defeated and bookless the door swung open.  ‘Sorry, I was in the back, sometimes that door sticks and the odd thing is, it will only open if you don’t try to force it.’ The merchant smiled as she held the door open for me.  I made polite conversation as I slid passed her to make my way to the nearest bookshelf.  I had been right in thinking that the bookstore was a gem, I purchased some great older books no longer in print and happily left the store, this time opening the door gently and easily.

As I made my way home, I thought about how that door was kind of like some instances in my life.  Sometimes I want in so badly and or to get to the next level or stage in life so quickly that I’m doing everything in my power to force things to happen except be patient and wait on God to open doors that I can not.  I tug, throw tantrums, scream, kick, or bang on doors & many times they still don’t open in my timing, it just leaves me breathless and frustrated.  And often times when they do open, I honestly am not too thrilled about the outcome.

I’m no expert, but I challenge you the next time you are upset about where you are in life to just chill out, find somethings to be grateful for in the moment and stop pushing against right now.  This isn’t to say stop dreaming, striving or grinding towards goals but it is to say to dispose of anxiousness and impatience that isn’t truly serving you. Maybe you will notice as I have, that when we wait on God, when we are patient and when the timing is right, doors will open.

God bless

Court

The desires of your heart: Do you really know what they are?

In the book of Psalms it states that if you ‘delight yourself in the LORD, He will give you the desires of your heart’.  For a long time I asked God to introduce me to my husband so we could get started on the family I’ve had tucked away in my mind for at least the past ten years!   Recently, in one of my discussions with God a thought popped in my head that although I had requested my God given husband many times, this had not truly been my heart’s desire.  I didn’t quite understand this immediately but as I continued to marinate on the thought it became clearer as to why what I thought was my heart’s desire to usher in love was actually quite the opposite.  When in relationship, my thoughts and actions did not align with someone seeking to give and receive love from a man.  They were the actions (many times) of someone bitter and highly suspicious of anyone of the male persuasion.  If introduced to a guy one of the first things I would wonder was what was wrong with him or immediately pick apart things I didn’t seem to like about him in an effort to keep myself from wanting to get close.

I can honestly say that I’ve had men in my life that truly loved me (as best they could) and for a long time I focused on the negative effects of the one mentally and physically damaging relationship I had many years prior instead of recognizing what was before me.  They had offered me love and I did not truly accept what they offered.  As a result, the relationships were dead before they began, buried under a mound of past hurts, insecurities, frustrations and fears.  Of course there were other issues at play, but I know this was my biggest part in the demise of our relationships.  I could see love, always just over the horizon and thought I was eagerly paddling towards it but since I refused to do the soul work of breaking through the waves of the past love always seemed to remain at bay. 

I had based my theory of love on the relationships I knew about which mainly consisted of womanizers, women that seemed to have perpetually broken hearts and first hand experiences of dealing with men that were not mentally mature enough for a relationship.  I accepted these ideals, ingrained them into my mental perception of what ‘all’ men were and lived them out through my speech and interactions with men.  Men were dangerous, they would cheat on you and never stick around.  Throughout my life I began to accumulate the burdens of distrust, insecurities, over-analyzation, fear and judgement some through my own experiences and many through observation and they continued to grow larger and heavier.  So when love did present itself I acted from a place  of a woman laden with baggage instead of one free to love.  The bright  side is that eventually, I became a woman eager to lighten her load!

When I take stock of my actions in relationships and in relation to men in general I can see that my heart’s desire was not for love.  The desires of my heart were for the perpetuation of what I had known in the past and so that’s what I chose to live out.  I  didn’t trust men, spoke extremely negatively of them and always seemed to focus on the worst possible outcome, for example if I texted my boyfriend and he didn’t text me back within a certain amount of time my mind automatically flooded with thoughts of him cheating (a bit cray, yes I know).  So in an effort to ensure that my heart and head are on the same track I’ve been taking the time to focus on the positive, to accept what is and truly grow in love (starting with myself).

If you are wondering if your heart’s desires are truly matching up with your thoughts I would recommend doing the following

  1. Do a soul check:  Regardless of what your heart’s desire is, be it a job, a house, a baby or relationship, take some time to sit and think about how you truly feel concerning these things. Ask yourself if this really is what you want in your future?  Do you want it because you’re on societies time table and think you should have them by now or  are you receiving pressure from a source outside of yourself to push for these goals?  Make the all too common pro/con list.  If it turns out that these are things you really do want ask yourself if you are profiting in some way by not having them or is there a false fear that comes along with having what you truly think you want.  For instance if you  want a new job but are afraid of leaving the security of the job you currently have or maybe possess anxieties around job interviews or change in general.  In my case, I am working through a tremendous fear of someone else attempting to control me, giving up freedoms I have grown accustomed to and being cheated on.
  2. Flip the technique:  Once you know some of the mindsets holding you back, begin to counteract these by speaking life into your situation.  In other words turn the negative thoughts into a positive one.  For instance with a job, there is the possibility (and hope) that you will be much happier in your new position and or have increased job security.  In my case one of the things I try to focus on is trusting men and always acknowledging the security and contentment that will come along with my desired relationship.  If you tend to focus on the negative always remember to envision the flip side of the outcome.  Condition your mind to focus on the positive shifts whenever a negative fear based thought attempts to thwart your progress.
  3. Take action:  Take some action consistently towards your desire, set a goal of daily, weekly or monthly action steps or whatever will fit your schedule and work towards your desire.  It could be applying to a job a day, attending resume workshops or joining a toastmasters group to improve your public speaking and interview skills.  For me, taking action to better myself in relationships isn’t quite as concrete, but I chose to begin by loving me and consistently taking stock of my feelings and thoughts when in certain situations.  I have begun a daily meditation practice in addition to reading scriptures, prayer, affirmations, loads of videos and podcast but mostly taking the time to fully love and accept myself while expressing love to the people God places in my life.

Sometimes our heads and hearts won’t agree and that’s life.  But if we are the only one’s holding ourselves back from our goals we can always get them on one accord!  Here’s to your dreams!

Let me know what other things work for you in the comments!

God Bless,

Court ūüôā

 

 

 

 

 

Falling in love with you…¬†

As I evolve and transition into the woman I choose to be on this journey one thing that has become increasingly and glaringly true is the fact that the best thing I can do in this life is love myself.  For me, this means that I am okay on my own little ‘me’ island regardless of who may come to visit or who decides to jump ship. It means I am at peace internally with the world around me and that I am able to enjoy my own company.  It means that I truly like me and do not need the acceptance or flattery of outside influences because I have an unshakable confidence about who I am.

Loving yourself is one of the ultimate tests to pass in a world where we are told we are never enough, and that we must always aspire to be something or someone else.  We are pounded with the lie that life is not complete if you don’t have a mate or something external to fulfill you.  In a society where you are always told to be or do more it can be tough to find the strength to say, I am enough!  But you are strong, you are brave and you are enough.  

Loving yourself means that you accept who and where you are, you accept your ‘flaws’, and challenges, you accept who you are at the core.  If you are overweight, you accept that, if you are needy, you accept that and if you are a nerdy weirdo (like me:) guess what you accept that too!  You aren’t in the business of hating yourself and no longer feel the need to fight against yourself or berate who you are right now.  Acceptance does not mean you must settle into these things you wish to change about yourself, but that you accept them and do not judge yourself for them.  It means that you choose positive ways to release and grow and are forgiving of yourself in the process.  It is a process and sometimes a slow one, so be gentle with you.

Think about it this way, if you love someone (and they happen to be human) you will have to accept that they are flawed, but you love them anyway while assisting them on a journey to a better them.  This is how you should love you.  

Truly loving yourself means that you become better at loving others but you continue to have an internal peace that comes with knowing no matter who or what may enter your life, you are going to be okay.  You become free from searching the world for love, you are free from the ache of unrequited love, free from the fear of loss and your world doesn’t crash and burn simply because you have no one else in it to love you, because you are always enough.  

True selflove is freedom.  It is knowing and embracing the fact that you are complete and whole in this moment but if you aren’t there yet it’s  absolutely nothing to stress over.  Each new day presents an opportunity to love on you, wake up tomorrow with the goal of having a day filled with love for others and yourself.  There will be times when you may fall away from this view, lose yourself in relationship or your mentality attempts to shift to one of not being your best, make it a point to feel those feelings but also intentionally do the work to get through them and concentrate on loving you fully.  After all aside from God you are really all you have in the end.

It’s grow time! So let’s get started with loving yourself first.  One of the greatest things you can do for yourself is to love who you are! Accept your flaws and quirks, and always build yourself up that way no matter how much people may try they can never tear you down! 

For some additional tips on loving yourself completely, click here or here. 

Have any additional words of advice or nuggets of inspiration please leave them below in the comments!

These are two video from awesomefest that I enjoyed based on selflove thought I’d share!  (one day I’d really love to present at or attend a fest!!)

Love you lots but God loves you much more!

Be blessed,

Court‚ėļÔłŹ

7 things I learned in 2015…

1. Life doesn’t owe you anything nor is it fair: And pretty much all we can do is deal with it! ¬†I’ll admit, I went through a period in my life where it was all about me and I always wanted things my way. ¬†If things didn’t happen the way I wanted, I would sometimes find a way to manipulate situations so they fit ¬†my vision or ¬†I’d have ¬†full blown tantrums (even adult ones). ¬†As I grew in my 30’s I began to understand that life was not all about me and there were other people with needs and desires and all I was doing was alienating people I wanted relationships with through my selfishness. ¬†As I matured and slowly began to shed the mentality of a spoiled only child and embraced the fact that the world did not orbit around me. ¬†This year I extended that learning to embrace the fact that life, no matter how much I may want it to be, is not always quite fair but that doesn’t have to hinder my progress and most of the time that fact only adds to my growth. ¬†Speaking as a child of God I know that it is through Gods unlimited grace that I am where and who I am, but I realized I had to stop worrying about the fairness of my past and push forward from where I stood, after I have been extremely blessed. ¬†But there will always things in life we seem to be unfair, for instance I wondered if my choices in men would have been different had I not experienced some of the things I did and one of the biggest things for me has been that I would look at people born and raised in the church and see how mature they were in Christ already, and I envied that. ¬†I would sometimes get upset because I felt like I had to play catch up a lot later in life and honestly that kept me stagnant. ¬†But I had to realize that people are born everyday in the most unsavory of situations and still they rise, these people have embraced the fact that although their situations weren’t perfect or ‘fair’ they still didn’t wait for life to hand them anything, no matter what age they ‘woke up’. ¬† If you have goals for the year ahead, don’t dwell on your past, don’t think about envy someone else’s achievements and go grab your own.

2. You will always have waver worthy moments: ¬†and there may be times your faith wavers because of them. ¬†There may be times you fail or don’t feel like moving forward and it is okay. ¬†Even my pastors wife, who I see as a strong woman of God has discussed having a waver worthy moment when she was diagnosedwith breast ¬† cancer. ¬†Life isn’t a smoothly paved road it’s an obstacle course full of hills and sometimes mountains. ¬†It’s only natural to want the easy way out of growth, until we realize there is no easy way. ¬†In these moments when you choose to face the fire rather than run you may shake and grow fearful but the important thing is to remember the foundation you are built upon and always return to that truth.

3. You need people to help you grow: Even the ones you don’t like! Some will call them our soul mates or life teachers, but they are people that will push your boundaries of growth. ¬†They can be best friends, family members, coworkers, strangers on the street, but they ultimately push us to grow and change.

4. Sometimes life just works out: Without your help. ¬†And many times better than we expected if we just let go of the reigns. ¬†All the worrying and stressing over small things can and if done enough will make you sick. ¬†In times where I was able to trust and let life work itself out I’ve usually gotten the absolute best results.

5. We are not robots: ¬† Obviously! and with our lack of steel, cold exteriors and programmable feelings comes emotions and for a long time I was fearful of expressing my feelings. ¬†For whatever reason I was ashamed of my sadness and held in expressing joy at times when I wanted to do cartwheels. ¬†I hid who I was for fear of judgement. ¬†Until recently I’ve learned that life is an emotional roller coaster. ¬†There is nothing wrong with expressing sadness, anger or joy for that matter if it’s done in a healthy way and you don’t have to feel guilty, ashamed or bad for doing so.

6. ¬†Life sends you wake up calls: ¬†Sometimes we must answer even when we want to send it to voicemail! ¬† My father is one of the most gentle, kind hearted souls I have met on this life journey. ¬†He has always been there for me without fail and seeing him age over the years I grew fearful of the day that he wouldn’t be. ¬†When he was given a diagnosis this year that pretty much shook my families foundation it was somewhat of a wake up call for us all. ¬†Sometimes the tragedies in life are what brings us closer. ¬†Everyone deals with pain differently, so attempting to get someone else to hurt like you will never happen, but expressing how much that person means to you in the midst of dealing with pain is pretty much all you can do. ¬† As my mom tells me, we have to love each other while we are here & although I knew this going into 2015, I can’t say that I’ve always put it into action.

7. ¬†Achieving inner peace and emotional stability is simple: ¬†But one of the most difficult things you may do in life! When the world around us is pulling on our emotional heart strings it can be difficult to not lose it and be manipulated by events into overreacting, losing your cool or just turning into a blubbering mass of human-ness. We have emotions, there is nothing we can do about that, nothing. ¬†The journey to emotional maturity ¬†looks different for everyone, but the benefit is the knowing that you will be all right, the understanding that this too shall pass and the ultimate benefit of true inner peace. ¬†Once things that go on around you aren’t able to affect you at a core level, or at least take you into an emotional tail spin you are at peace with uncertain endings and can breath easy. It’s a simple concept, once you understand and begin to practice it, but the ‘getting there’ and ultimately ‘staying there’ takes effort, consistency and sometimes a lifetime.

God Bless & Happy 2016!

Court

What do the lonely do for the holidays…

There’s a sense of hopelessness that can come along with being alone for the holidays. I’m not speaking of people that make the choice to alienate themselves, but those that have no other options, no families or friends around.  It can be quite depressing if you let it get you down. Although I’m blessed to be spending much of my Christmas Day with my parents, this Christmas Eve has been quite a struggle.  For whatever reason loneliness and sadness has been a prime player in my days leading up to the holidays.  I avoid stores as I don’t trust my tears, they seem to come at the most inopportune times like when I run across giddy couples or giggling babies, as I’m reminded that I don’t have that in my life right now.  It can push you to the point of losing hope, to the point of searching through countless numbers of YouTube videos to find out if God really does answer prayers, or is it just yours that He seemed to miss.  For some it could push them to the brink of not wanting to do it any longer, not wanting to live another lonely day.  

So what do the lonely do for Holidays, how do they cope with the unwanted solitude? I don’t pretend to have all the answers, or any for that reason but I know that you must hold on to even the smallest amount of faith you can muster.  I know that helping others gets your thoughts off of your own problems and I know that running to people to heal you won’t.  For myself, I have to believe that my loneliness and struggles will serve a greater cause and praise Him through it all, through the tears, through the anger and the hurt.  It’s difficult, it is I know, but in the end I pray it’s worth it.

God Bless

Court 

When you can’t be friends with your ex…

It can be a hard pill to swallow that the person you once and still love has moved on to someone else and no longer shares the same feelings for you, but it happens. You can feel abandoned, lonely and heartbroken. ¬†Trust me I’ve felt it. ¬†It’s not a great place to be and you’re wondering how you can move forward without this person in your life. I have a couple of tips that may help as I’m currently feeling the sting of heartbreak myself. ¬†Although I’ve tried thinking of my ex as just a friend, I know that until I no longer have feelings for him in the capacity of a significant other I can not have a friendship without always wanting something more. ¬†These are some reasons that I personally know I can’t immediately be friends after a breakup.

  1. When you have told them how you feel: Tell them how you feel and if it’s meant to be there may be second chances down the line. ¬†If however this is not the person for you, it’s a good chance that you may not want a second chance and that it’s better to just leave things where they are, work through the pain and move on. ¬† In my case I did want another chance to make us work and he wanted to just move on. ¬†When this is the case and one party is over the relationship and possibly moving on you should define they try your best to do the same no matter how much it hurts.
  2. When you’re setting yourself up for failure: normally being friends after a break up will lead to one party getting hurt if the other has started dating and seeing other people seriously. ¬†To save yourself some heartache don’t try the ‘lets just be friends’ right away as a lot of times it’s much easier for the party that’s moved on. ¬†This isn’t to say you can never be friends eventually, but make sure all feelings for that person have dissipated first and there’s no chance of restoring a deeper connection, especially if they have already proven that they aren’t looking for more.
  3. when you know there may be animosity: In my case I know I would have had some animosity if we continued to try and be friends because I wanted more and he didn’t. ¬†It hurts like he land it may take several try’s but go out, mingle with other people and just have fun with life, you’ll soon meet other people that will help kee your mind off of your ex.
  4. When you know that you deserve better treatment: If your ex wants to just be friends and keep you around to serve their purposes knowing how it makes you feel, then you deserve much more! ¬†Plus, theperson meant for you, will ultimately stay with you, unless the circumstances are toxic. ¬†If he or she left, they weren’t the one and they were probably meant to be lessons in your life.

of course this may not be true for everyone, and each person is responsible for how they proceed in relationships. Life and heartbreak go hand in hand unfortunately, how you deal with will lead to Getting over it sooner, or dragging the process out, the choice is yours.

God bless

Court

6 ways to speak love in your relationships…

From time to time in our relationships, including familial and platonic connections, we may begin to take the people in our lives for granted.  In these cases, we can often choose to direct our focus from the continued work of building our union to the laxity of disconnection, even if on a subconscious level.  When the stagnation begins to overtake a relationship it can be easily broken by the effort of speaking love to your partner, friend or family member.  Like fresh air this can ultimately breath new life into your connections!

Encouragement You can practice encouragement in many ways, but there are two that I’ll focus on here: verbaland  physical.  Verbally telling someone how proud you are of them or how great of a cook they are can truly build a sense of love in a relationship.  Physical encouragement comes in the form of support.  When I first started my t-shirt company I felt truly encouraged because I had the support of my family and friends.  My mom would encourage me to get my shirts in stores and she would tell anyone that fit the audience about my book.  I had friends that took cards and placed them all over the city and my ex attended shows with me all over the US helping me sell items for hours and hours all in the name of support (and love of course).  When you truly love someone you’re invested in them and their dreams because they are a part of who they are.  I knew my family and friends loved me not only because they said how proud they were of me pursuing my goals, but because they put actions to the words.  It didn’t have to be big, it could be as simple as sharing their current endeavor on social media.   But also keep in mind that the encouragement should always come from a genuine place, not one of manipulation, flattery or wanting to impose your views on someone else’s efforts. 

Respect Honoring that persons presence by speaking to them with tones and other verbal cues which reflect respect is a large part of speaking love into your connections.  Always attempt to Express gratitude for the gift of who they are and their role in your life through your expressions and interactions.

Protection Speaking from a sense of guarding each others hearts in relationship  and not just physically but showing that you are committed to keeping this person safe on all fronts is crucial to security.  If that person knows that you will use their own words against them later on, they won’t want to share with you who they really are.  Protection can consist of numerous concepts including protection of that persons character, heart and ultimately soul by pulling them closer to God consistently.

Silence Sometimes the best way to show love is by keeping your mouth shut or as one of my favorite preachers, Heather Lindsey, would say invoke he spirit of shut-up!  This one is might be difficult for me as I always have something to say and often feel as if I’ll burst if it doesn’t eventually topple off my tongue.  Practicing the self-control involved with quietly allowing someone to make their own mistakes without a big I told you so or not being spiteful and vindictive with your words can be difficult, but mastered. Taking the time to quietly mull things over before speaking or give them to God to work out can have a powerfully positive impact on your relationships.

Dependability Being a woman or man of your word, doing what you said you would or being where you said you would be are all large partsofbuildinf a string foundation in relationships.  We all have that flaky friend that says they are going to be somewhere but never shows up, unfortunately there are plenty of times that I have been her!  Once we come to expect someone to blow us off or not keep their word it often starts to place cracks in the foundation, your .  James and Matthew tells us to let our yes be yes and our no be no and in other words, do what you say you’re going to do.  Everyone falls short and within the expectation of dependability there has to be some grace shown simply for human frailty, no one can be perfect all of the time, but if it’s a consistent pattern it will make the person you’re in relationship with wonder about your integrity and seriousness. 

Grace As I stated previously grace plays a large part in speaking love.  By extending grace to our loved one we are allowing them to mess-up and not be constantly ridiculed or berated.  They know that you are a safe place where they can come and feel free to be themselves.

Do you have any other ways you choose to express love in your relationships?  Please feel free to share in the comments! 

God Bless!

Court 

 

 

 

Enough…

I have this guy in my life and we’ve been on and off for quite some time now, at least six years.  Honestly, I’m  usually the cause of our off times as he’s sweet, gentle, kind and best of all a man of God.  The only draw back is it’s sort of long distance so there can’t be any regular hugs exchanged or hands held, which is something that I consistently desire.  So our relationship usually consist of me picking up my phone reading his messages or sometimes spending hours talking and listening to him.   But there are times when I want more and long for the closeness of someone that’s here, that I can touch or see face to face.  When I tell him this it sometimes breaks his heart because I know that he has given so much to have our relationship.  He understands my longings but often times he replies by asking me, am I not enough?  My answer varies, but I truly always want him to be enough, I always want to keep him first but honestly it can be a struggle at times when fleshly and impatient desires rise to the surface.  But I long for the day when with all my heart I can truly say yes Jesus, you are all I need, you are enough.

Court ‚ėļÔłŹ

11 practical ways to make your man feel special…

In relationships I’ve made many mistakes, but there has also been plenty of right choices thrown in with the wrongs.  It’s been on my mind to share some of the little ways I’ve learned to make a man feel special.  I compiled this list from things that I’ve done or haven’t done and wished I did!   Sometimes  it’s the little things that count the most and these are all pretty simple to do (for the most part). I’m speaking solely from a romantic partnership perspective, but most of these can work in any type of relationship. 

1. Say it with a note:  Leave little notes from time to time in his pillow or in his lunch bag just to remind him of how special he is to you.  This is something I love doing with a significant other because I know finding a little ‘I love you’ note or appreciation message every now and then would make me feel awesome!

2. Send an impromptu message: Send a short text, email or Facebook message just to let him know you’re thinking of him or praying for him throughout the day.

3. Congratulate him on big goals.  Flip the script and treat him to dinner or send a token when he’s accomplished a goal he set out to achieve.

4. Be there to listen:  even if he doesn’t want to talk, embrace and love on him especially if he’s had a rough day.

5. Greet him with a smile: After years of being together the butterflies may have fluttered away, but it’s still important to greet him with a smile and some enthusiasm at his arrival.  It’s easy to get lax, I know because I’ve done so in the past, but it will only make him happy to see you in return.

4. Listen for cues: know what he is loves doing or is needing and try to surprise him with it.  Is his birthday coming up and he loves basketball?  Surprise him with tickets for the game or just cook all his favorites.  Does he need a purple tie, pick one up the next time you’re out.  Either way he’ll feel special knowing you listened and took the time to get to know his desires. 

5. Step into his world:  watch a game or two with him even if you aren’t into sports like myself.  But if it’s something he enjoys make some time to sit with him through at least some of it.  Or if video games are his thing play with him every once and a while.

6. Don’t nag:  okay I’ll be honest, this is one I struggle with immensely.  Sometimes I get tired of hearing myself and have to make a conscious effort to shut up and take a sea!  It can be extremely difficult to have the self control to say things once and see how it plays out but in the long run it’s usually worth it and saves on added frustrations possibly arguments. 

7. Pray for and with him:  one of the times I feel loved most is when someone takes the time to intercede on my behalf.  Although often times this happens in my prayer closet if I’m dating someone and we do pray together I’ll make sure to include them. 

8. Be supportive:  share in his efforts to help him accomplish goals and dreams in life.  Hand out fliers, promote his business on Facebook, tell others about his endeavors and speak on his behalf when he’s not there.  

9. Encourage him:  I speak a little bit more about being an encourager here, but make sure to build him up and speak life into his spirit!  It’s something that can so easily give way to tearing him down when we focus on the negatives or down men as a whole, these things only breed resentment, hurt and anger.  If this is an issue for you as it has been for me, I’d recommend reading Proverbs 14:1 and commiting it to memory for times when you struggle!

10. Grace him:  People are human, so of course he’s going to do somethings you don’t like because no one is perfect.  In moments where we may want to go off or berate him, think about how it might affect him and your relationship in the long run before saying something mean or hurtful. If he is willing to listen and take ownership of his faults there is always a way to speak the truth in love. 

11. Serve him:  if you’re married or cohabitating, you can do small things like draw him a bath after a long day at work, plan a romantic evening, bring him breakfast in bed every once and a while or get his car washed.  Since Jesus calls us to be servants what better place to start than in our own homes.

God bless!

Court ūüôā

How to get over it and get on with your life…

One thing about most relationships is that at some point they end.  Wether it’s due to a fall out, death or just a natural parting of ways, relationships change as we have come to know them, it’s inevitable.  But what happens with the collapse of a relationship that you didn’t expect or want to end as quickly as it did?  What do you do when you want to move on but just can’t seem to get the person out of your head no matter what you do?  Below I’ll give you 4 D’s that have seemed to work in my favor when trying to get over an ex.

Decide: the main thing you have to do is get your mind and heart to line up so that they are on the same page.  If the relationship ended because of something you did or if it’s an ex you can’t seem to get over you have to make up your mind that you aren’t going to focus on the past.  Realize that the could’ve beens and the what if’s aren’t going to happen and move on from there.  You have to create thoughts that are forgiving, of yourself for the wrongs you inflicted and understanding from that persons point of view.  I’ve been in relationships and friendships where I’ve allowed my selfishness, pride or emotions to ruin what could’ve been a great partnership.  But in the end I know that if I have tried to make up for it, be a better me and still it wasn’t enough I have to approach the decisions made from a different mindset.  Now, this doesn’t mean I’m off the hook and as we’re all striving towards the goal of perfection I recognize that I have to continually improve and grow.  Even if it’s not something you did and the relationship ended abruptly or before the time you thought it would, you have to let it go by focusing on forgiveness, the positivity of your future so that you can truly seek to understand and grow as a person.

Distance: Some people may be able to remain in a somewhat amicable relationship with a person after a major shift in a relationship status.  But usually, at least for a short amount of time there needs to be some distance granted.  This has to include the mental distancing as well as physical (if possible).  If you broke up with someone and you’re still hanging out, calling, texting etc as before it will be more difficult to break things off and move forward from the pain.  The creation of distance allows breathing space and speaking from personal experience the ability to move on quicker.  In a years time you probably won’t even be thinking about the person you can’t seem to get out of your head today.
Delete: if you have social media relations with the person and you find yourself constantly checking on them it may be best to either delete or block them at least for a short while.  The feelings that you have will continue to linger if you’re always trying to watch their every move, plus how would you feel if you saw them with someone else?  I’m guessing not so great, so why even put yourself through that torture?  Know that more than likely this is not the person God had for you and keep it moving.

Date:  I was once told that the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one.  I’ll just start of with saying that I DO NOT believe or buy into that theory although I used to.  And what I’ve learned is that usually, you just wind up dating someone for a while and still have that one person on your mind in the end or regret wasting your time on a random.  So when I say date, I don’t necessarily mean with other men you’re romantically interested in, but make play dates with your friends and family to just be in a safe place to express yourself and have fun.  Date yourself, I’m always one for going or doing something with me because I love my company, get to know you and what you desire.  And date Jesus, make am appointed time to read his word each day and try your best to stick with it.  There’s nothing wrong with getting back out there, but just make sure your heart is whole and that you are truly ready to do so.

Develop:  The important thing is to focus on you and your life.  How will you grow from here?  How will you improve?  Ask yourself these three questions: 1. How did I assist in the demise of this relationship (recognize) 2. What does this say about me and the changes I need to make and (analyze) 3. What very specific changes will I make in my life to reach this goal (rise)?  For instance, my last relationship ended for a number of reasons, but one thing I know I didn’t do was enough encouraging or building up.  I was a proverbs 14:1 woman, just the latter of the two as I often used my mouth to tear him down when I wasn’t satisfied.  So I take ownership over that. As a result, I know I need to work on being an encourager so I’ve been reading books*, watching videos and making sure that I encourage at least one person in my life a day.  It’s not something that comes naturally for me but it’s something that I can work towards developing and I’m grateful for the chance to do so. Take the time to better yourself and make that into a priority.  Someone better will come along, they always do, the question is will you be ready when it happens? 

*Becoming an encourager on purpose by Marty Celaya is one of the books that I’ve been reading that pertains specifically to being an encourager. So far so good make sure to check it out if this is something you are looking to implement! 

God bless

Court ‚ėļÔłŹ

But He giveth more grace…

%d bloggers like this: