One thing about most relationships is that at some point they end. Wether it’s due to a fall out, death or just a natural parting of ways, relationships change as we have come to know them, it’s inevitable. But what happens with the collapse of a relationship that you didn’t expect or want to end as quickly as it did? What do you do when you want to move on but just can’t seem to get the person out of your head no matter what you do? Below I’ll give you 4 D’s that have seemed to work in my favor when trying to get over an ex.
Decide: the main thing you have to do is get your mind and heart to line up so that they are on the same page. If the relationship ended because of something you did or if it’s an ex you can’t seem to get over you have to make up your mind that you aren’t going to focus on the past. Realize that the could’ve beens and the what if’s aren’t going to happen and move on from there. You have to create thoughts that are forgiving, of yourself for the wrongs you inflicted and understanding from that persons point of view. I’ve been in relationships and friendships where I’ve allowed my selfishness, pride or emotions to ruin what could’ve been a great partnership. But in the end I know that if I have tried to make up for it, be a better me and still it wasn’t enough I have to approach the decisions made from a different mindset. Now, this doesn’t mean I’m off the hook and as we’re all striving towards the goal of perfection I recognize that I have to continually improve and grow. Even if it’s not something you did and the relationship ended abruptly or before the time you thought it would, you have to let it go by focusing on forgiveness, the positivity of your future so that you can truly seek to understand and grow as a person.
Distance: Some people may be able to remain in a somewhat amicable relationship with a person after a major shift in a relationship status. But usually, at least for a short amount of time there needs to be some distance granted. This has to include the mental distancing as well as physical (if possible). If you broke up with someone and you’re still hanging out, calling, texting etc as before it will be more difficult to break things off and move forward from the pain. The creation of distance allows breathing space and speaking from personal experience the ability to move on quicker. In a years time you probably won’t even be thinking about the person you can’t seem to get out of your head today.
Delete: if you have social media relations with the person and you find yourself constantly checking on them it may be best to either delete or block them at least for a short while. The feelings that you have will continue to linger if you’re always trying to watch their every move, plus how would you feel if you saw them with someone else? I’m guessing not so great, so why even put yourself through that torture? Know that more than likely this is not the person God had for you and keep it moving.
Date: I was once told that the best way to get over a man is to get under a new one. I’ll just start of with saying that I DO NOT believe or buy into that theory although I used to. And what I’ve learned is that usually, you just wind up dating someone for a while and still have that one person on your mind in the end or regret wasting your time on a random. So when I say date, I don’t necessarily mean with other men you’re romantically interested in, but make play dates with your friends and family to just be in a safe place to express yourself and have fun. Date yourself, I’m always one for going or doing something with me because I love my company, get to know you and what you desire. And date Jesus, make am appointed time to read his word each day and try your best to stick with it. There’s nothing wrong with getting back out there, but just make sure your heart is whole and that you are truly ready to do so.
Develop: The important thing is to focus on you and your life. How will you grow from here? How will you improve? Ask yourself these three questions: 1. How did I assist in the demise of this relationship (recognize) 2. What does this say about me and the changes I need to make and (analyze) 3. What very specific changes will I make in my life to reach this goal (rise)? For instance, my last relationship ended for a number of reasons, but one thing I know I didn’t do was enough encouraging or building up. I was a proverbs 14:1 woman, just the latter of the two as I often used my mouth to tear him down when I wasn’t satisfied. So I take ownership over that. As a result, I know I need to work on being an encourager so I’ve been reading books*, watching videos and making sure that I encourage at least one person in my life a day. It’s not something that comes naturally for me but it’s something that I can work towards developing and I’m grateful for the chance to do so. Take the time to better yourself and make that into a priority. Someone better will come along, they always do, the question is will you be ready when it happens?
*Becoming an encourager on purpose by Marty Celaya is one of the books that I’ve been reading that pertains specifically to being an encourager. So far so good make sure to check it out if this is something you are looking to implement!