There are some signs in a person’s character that exhibit emotional immaturity and many of them don’t do well to preserve a healthy relationship. How do I know? Because I’m basically an expert on what not to do in a relationship as I have caught myself doing most of the things listed below. Getting past these issues means being mindful of their presence and consistently doing the difficult work to better yourself. There are eighty year olds I know who aren’t ready to be in a committed healthy relationship (I’m so serious) so maturity has little to do with age. We can catch ourselves acting out or using some of the ploys I list below at any age and many times to a mature godly man they will serve as red flags to hit the road and never look back! If you notice them in yourself or are trying to better yourself, don’t berate yourself just make a conscious effort to do better and with time you will.
1. Temper tantrums: Need I say more, if you still pout, whine, throw things and cry etc when you don’t get your way then you are basically employing the tactics of a two-year old to shift the odds in your favor. Temper tantrums aren’t cute on a 5-year-old, let alone a 25 or 35 year-old woman. Instead they are sure signs of mental and spiritual immaturity and that you’ve got some growing up to do before entering an adult relationship.
2. Manipulative tactics: it’s all about you and what you want and you’ll use whatever tricks are necessary to get it. Using sex, tears or withholding affection to get your desired outcome are all manipulation tactics. Trying to get over on someone who cares for you is unfair, will cause a lack of trust and is seriously just plain trifling. If he is a mature man he will likely grow tired of your games and leave you to play with the boys.
3. Unfair fighting: If you use your words as weapons during arguments to inflict as much pain as possible without actually coming to blows then you don’t argue fairly. Do you make snide remarks or throw other men in his face when he doesn’t do things your way? Do you kick him when he’s down, can’t find work or makes mistakes? A man needs respect and honor (which is basically a fancy word for more respect) from his mate. It’s sometimes easier to be mean than to choose support, gentleness or kindness but think about the long-term damage as opposed to trying to get back at them in that moment. As women, we can sometimes have a quick tongue that can shoot venom fire balls at will and since we usually know exactly what buttons to push it’s easy to hurt a man’s pride. Even if you’re angry always remember that sometimes the tude is unnecessary and you and your partner are on the same team!
4. Unwillingness to compromise: You won’t take no for an answer, everything has to be your way or the highway & the word compromise has no place in your vocabulary. Everyone wants what they want when they want it, but most mature adults know (and accept) the fact that they won’t always get everything in their timing. I speak from experience because I can be as spoiled as they come and have to keep watch on this part of my character. It’s a very selfish and self-centered way to go about life and relationships of any kind, especially a marriage as they are all about giving and taking and giving some more. Getting to a point of being okay with compromise or actually not getting your way takes growth and loads of it, but it’s worth it to have a happy, healthy relationship.
5. Uncontrollable emotions: Have you ever watched the show Bridezillas and wondered how some of these women were able to date and marry someone? Although a lot of their actions are extreme (and hopefully for the cameras), I’ve found myself thinking just that; and my next thought is usually ‘at least I’m not that bad’. But the truth is I could very much resemble some of the women just to a lesser extent. Yes, hormones are real but if you can’t (or won’t) try to purposefully control your emotions and consequently your actions, you’re basically like a ticking time ball and no one is going to want to be around when you explode. The bible put’s it this way: He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. It compares a person that can’t control themselves to a broken down city without protection, you have no barriers against thieves and looters, mainly the devil who comes to steal, kill and destroy. In this case you are letting him steal, kill and destroy your partnership.
6. You don’t speak life: I was raised in a house full of women, I also grew up with an awesome dad in my life but saw him mainly on the weekends and didn’t really get a chance to see what a positive, thriving relationship looked like. Fast forward to today and I still struggle with not picking out the negatives and things I don’t like a bout a mate in lieu of focusing on the positives and uplifting him for those qualities. As I’m a grown woman I can no longer use what I didn’t learn during childhood as an excuse for not building up the man in my life today. It takes a very conscious effort to focus on the positives and although I haven’t reached Barnabus status yet, I have learned that it is important to speak life into your relationships and situations, he’ll love you all the more for it.
God bless and here’s to a purposeFULL life! Court 🙂