Love always endures is what 1 Corinthians 13 tells us, but when you come to the end of a romantic relationship that has been torn apart by carless words and actions you have to wonder is it always true? After getting to know someone for months or years they can become so entrenched in your life that when it’s all over and done there’s a crater sized void in your heart and a million questions in your head. Where did the dreams, the joy and the love go? Your norm was hearing from them or spending time with them daily, consistently loving, laughing and living with them. You shared visions of a future, meals and tv shows together. So, when it all comes to an abrupt halt and you have to make the choice to live in your new norm of doing life alone, everything in you may fight against it. For most it is a hurt that you never want to feel again. At some point we all desire to throw in the towel and build that wall of protection around our hearts, brick by tedious brick. After all, if you never allowed love in again, you wouldn’t feel the sting of another failed relationship, the foolishness of falling for an unfaithful partner, or the ordeal of placing your heart in someone else’s hands only to have them leave or abuse that trust. Trust me, I know how you feel.
Break ups are akin to going through withdrawals. You miss that familiar connection and there are periods of ups and downs where you may be looking forward to meeting someone new but then again you miss the comfort of them terribly. You may be happy one minute and crying like a baby the next, emotions (and hormones) are strong things. Some of us may do a better job at controlling how we deal with emotions but they come with being human, so allow yourself to feel and grieve the loss of the relationship. These feelings will persist until they are no longer a part of you, until there is no twinge in your stomach when their name is mentioned or sting of regret when you see them. But be grateful for the fact that there is an until because the feelings you have for them will change and eventually your heart will heal and won’t beat for that person. You just have to go through the healing process. Truthfully, it sucks and hurts like hell, but the wholeness that you receive on the other side is well worth it. The most difficult part is letting them go, while holding on to the hope of everything that love brings. Let go of the what if’s because they were just dreams and embrace the reality of a bright future and new loves. Let go of the you that wasn’t your best with them and embrace self-improvement through retrospection and diligent work. Most importantly let go of the lies Satan will tell you of how you will never find true love and embrace the truth in God’s promises, that He will never leave nor forsake you and will always love you.
We throw the word love around today as if it were some flimsy, obscure, meaningless word, but there is power in our words and strength that comes with confessing that you will trust God’s plan for your love life, even in it’s absence. God is love and our charge is to love each other as siblings in Christ, point blank. Ultimately I believe that the type of love you have for the person must shift from Eros to Agape. It may take a while to come around, but forgive them, pray for them, genuinely wish them the best and take your lessons like a boss so that you become better not bitter. Ask God to soften your heart and reveal and heal any hardened parts so that you don’t block your blessings when your chance to show love comes back around, because ultimately it will.
Don’t give up on love, it always trusts, always hopes and always endures. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:7-8)