What to do with a broken heart…

I honestly believe that everyone get’s over a broken heart differently, there are a myriad of ways. But one thing we should all do is to give that brokenness to God. Recently when I was going through a breakup one of my friends told me that ‘brokenness makes room for God’ and that is true. In this situation (as in many) it ultimately did bring me closer to God. I gave my heartache to Him in exchange for His peace and the security that everything would work out for my best. I had to trust Him. Therefore the first pointer for getting over heartbreak is to focus on God and his will for your life. It could be that that person was just a chapter in your story and their part is over it could also be that you need some time apart and the relationship could rekindle later. But regardless, God wants you to draw closer to Him and he will draw closer to you (James 4:8).

Give it up: Give your brokenness to God. Read his word so he can comfort you, reach out to Him so He can hold you, pray to Him so he can speak words of love to your heart, cry out to Him so he can protect you and praise Him so He can bring you new joys into your life. Yes, He alone can turn your mourning into dancing so allow Him to do so.

Mind over matter: get your mind off of the matter. I know that it’s easier said than done and it can be extremely difficult not to think about that person but you have to get your mind off of them. Your mind has to be trained to not focus on things you don’t want to, try not to rehash conversations over and over in your mind.  When these things pop in your head make it a point to drown it out with something constructive.  Of course, I don’t recommend doing anything that would cause you to back slide or be detrimental to your well being like drown your sorrows in drugs or alcohol, overeating or go in debt while shopping your sadness away as I used to. I learned the hard way that those things only lead to further frustration and complications in the long run. Instead, find beneficial ways to keep those thoughts at bay. Read a book (or The good book), watch positive YouTube videos, talk to friends, do something you love like writing or dancing.  What helped me was writing, I journaled, blogged or wrote in my book.  If you find something that you are passionate about many times this will consume much of the time you would spend pondering about your past love.

Ditch social media: or at least that persons social media sites for a while. This can be hard to do but I would almost say it’s a must! Trust, You will want to know how they are doing or if they’re seeing someone else but ultimately you are only torturing yourself! And if they are not mature or are petty they may post things just to get under your skin because they know you can’t resist the urge to peek. Plus Facebook stalking is just not cool, do yourself a favor and stay away!

Do not reach out and touch: When we break up with someone we can find every reason in the book to reach out to them. If we see a piece of their hair on the floor we’ll want to call to ask if they want it back. But you have to be strong, remember all the reasons you broke up, the reasons it did not or could not work. Know that communicating or seeing that person will make it even more difficult to let go and will probably cause more heartache in the long run. If that person has asked for some space be respectful and give them what they asked for.

Dump the memories: Relationships are messy and usually there is no black and white. Sometimes it can be a break up to make up type of situation, but if you know for certain you are over make sure you get rid of things that will remind you of that person. You don’t have to burn or dump it (unless they don’t want it) but the post office delivers so give them a try.

Forgive them: Ultimately you will have to forgive that person for anything they did to you and you will have to forgive yourself. Understanding that hurting people hurt people allows you to eventually let go of that pain without excusing them from their wrongs.  Think briefly about why they may have done what they did; ask yourself if how they were raised, or treated in past relationships may have contributed to their actions. People are only human which means they are flawed, none of us get it perfect so unforgiveness is not an option.

Get on with your life: Go out with friends, volunteer, work out, travel, become more active in your church, if you have kids get more involved with them. Whatever you do learn to enjoy your life and the place where God has you at this moment. One year from now your heart won’t ache and you may not even be thinking about that person, know that trouble does not last always and choose happiness over despair.

Help others, especially those in your situation: There are people out there in your same situation, everyone in the world has or will experience some type of heart break in their lives. Many times it is said that the best way to get over your situation is to help others through theirs, so reach out to hurting people and if this isn’t a possibility definitely pray for them.

Focus on the gain: Instead of focusing on what you lost, think of all the things you have gained by letting go of this relationship, especially if it was a toxic one. Yes many of us long to be tied to someone in a relationship, sometimes to our detriment, but right now you have freedom and there are many perks to having it!

Look at the bright side: Know that all things will work out for your good and that the best is yet to come. God has got this and now that Mr. or Mrs. wrong is out of the picture, it makes room for Mr. or Mrs. right to come on in. So take this time to ready your head and heart for their arrival!

Seek counseling:  If you feel yourself spiraling into a depression or a deep sadness I would recommend counseling.  Seeing a professionally trained counselor as well as a spiritual counselor can help tremendously in these situations.

I would like for us to pray for the lonely, the brokenhearted and those that feel hopeless. For them to know that God will always be by their sides and that they will allow His love, peace and joy to fill their hearts. I also pray that they understand that Jesus is the lover of our souls and our ultimate soul mates and if it is His will that God fulfills all the desires to have earthly mates as well.

The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit (Psalms 34:18).

God Bless,

Court

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